It’s no wonder that motherhood is sometimes a struggle. We spend so much time strangling her into compliance (i.e. “my way”) that she rarely has room to breathe. She chokes up. She gasps for air. She begs to be let alone.
Just for a moment.
Still, you grasp her firm because it’s your life and motherhood keeps blindsiding you. She’s messin’ up your flow! But you misunderstand her intentions. She needs you, after all. You, dear mother, are the vehicle from which she can flourish. Without you, she can’t breathe life into those beautiful children of yours. But it’s a paradox. It’s because of you, she can’t breathe.
Yesterday, I strangled motherhood. It started early – 4 o’clock in the morning early. And before I even opened my eyes, my mind was racing. I shot up from bed. The day ahead was busy, starting with a 7 o’clock dentist appointment for my four year old. But I was prepared and ready to take charge of my day. I was in control.
By 9 o’clock, my day was unraveling as unexpected events struck me from every angle, yet I was determined to maintain control and do what I set out to do. After all, “If it’s meant to be; it’s up to me!”
By 4 o’clock, I was exhausted, irritable and on the verge of a meltdown. The day was hard. Trying to strangle motherhood was tough work! She wouldn’t back down. She insisted that I change, do things differently, and what? She wanted me to slow down?! She must not have seen my long list of to-do’s. She must not care about my dreams. She’s…a…meanie! (To put it into the words of my kids.)
By 8 o’clock, I crashed into a crumpled heap and fell asleep. Too tired to plan tomorrow after a hellish today.
This morning I woke up with a fresh mind, regretful for having nearly killed motherhood the day before. Before rising from my bed I paused to silently apologize to her. I promised that today I would release my control of her and do my best to follow her lead. Motherhood isn’t my enemy. We could work together, we agreed.
Repented and whole once again, my day began and it’s been good.
image credit: pareeerica
