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No Wedding No Womb

September 22, 2010 by 7 Comments

Maybe you are old enough to remember Grease 2. Hopefully you remember the Fallout Shelter scene in which Louis tries to convince Sharon to sleep with him. He sings to her, urging to “…do it for your country” and promising that “your mother will approve.” His musical attempt fails as she realizes that he is setting her up.

I often think what would happen if Grease 2 was remade today. I imagine Tyler Perry rewriting the movie and turning Sharon into a “Baby Momma” who is being tempted to have unprotected sex with the man who will inevitably become “Baby Daddy” number three.

It’s not too far-fetched of an idea. It’s impossible to believe that it is when staring at a glaring statistic such as 70% of children born in the Black community are born out-of-wedlock. The status is glorified in movies, in videos, and by newspapers and other media outlets. We have to admit that having children out of wedlock has become so synonymous with Black women, that it is assumed we all wear the title of Baby Momma  even when we don’t. Remember the  FOX- First Lady Michelle Obama drama during the campaign?

But how do we change this? What do we need to do as a community, a culture, to ensure that our children do not repeat the damaging behaviors of their elders? How do we protect our children when we are so lax in protecting ourselves?

These are tough questions, I suppose. Single-parenthood is not new nor is it isolated to the Black community. The stigma, however, is gone and what we have gained is a legacy of negative statistics that have plagued the Black Community more than racism ever could.

The fact is that we have been fostering a culture of “love ‘em and leave ‘em.” We encourage our young Black boys to play the field and to explore. We tell our young girls that they are responsible for their own sexual actions as well as those of their male counterparts. Butfinding someone to blame is not important.

What matters most are the children. What matters most is that children need two parents to guide, love, and provide. They deserve to feel love from those who created them. They deserve to have a chance. If we want to escape this cycle of poverty and anger, we have to stop the cycle of acting without thought.

This is OUR problem.

Check out the No Wedding Now Womb Movement. It only takes a spark …

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Kristina Daniele

Kristina, Founder and Oz of We of Hue is one of many doing it across hues-homeschooling, wifing, mothering, and business building. She is a web designer and social media consultant with a love of building communities on line. She looks forward to intelligent conversation that is eye-opening and statement-making.

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Filed Under: Health & Self-Esteem, Parenting Tagged With: , , , ,
  • http://lovesgumbo.com Love’s Gumbo

    Thanks Kristina. This is a tough one to tackle, and it’s not easy to speak up about it. I am thankful for the NWNW movement. I think we tackle it by learning to love. We learn to love ourselves and to be the best we can be. We learn to choose a great mate to love, and we learn to work positively within our relationships. Once we show our children that we can choose and stay in a loving and respectful relationship, we can stop the cycle.

  • Sheri

    Don’t you think this is even more of a socio-economic problem than a race problem? If we look at the statistics of who make up our single mother population in any race, i am sure it consists of girls with less than or no college degree. The lower the education level , the lower the income.

  • Orlena Grant

    This story hits so hard with me as I am a product of that statistic. I am not only a child of a single mother I became one myself at the age of 18. I think it is a socio-economic problem, as well as a moral issue. At that time, I never imagined that that would be my position in life, but it happens. We women/girls make bad decisions when low self esteem is involved. We sometimes choose the wrong partners or once the baby comes into play, the father realizes he can’t handle it. Thus leaving mommy and baby to fend for themselves. I agree that it is time to set an example for the young women/girls coming up. As a mother of three girls, it is imperative to let them understand what I went through raising them. I stress the importance of waiting to have sex until marriage, and how it’s better to have children with a more solid foundation. But the reality is that many marriages don’t last as well. Still leaving that single mom/ baby mama situation. There’s really no fool proof method to ensure that you will not become another “baby mama” in or out of wedlock. I also do not believe this situation happens to girls of a certain education level or financial level. I admit, I was not very fortunate, but I valued my education. I was then a high school graduate, with college around the corner. This is not just something that happens in our community. I know many women of different races who are experiencing this same problem.

  • http://lovesgumbo.com Love’s Gumbo

    @ Orlena, I do believe there is a fool proof method for not being a baby mama. Outside of the death of a spouse, there are good choices we can make that will put the odds in our favor for raising our children within a loving union.

    It really is about treating love like you would obtaining a degree or a job. Learn it, study it, practice it, often and always. Stay aware of your actions, choose well. We can change things if we change our minds about love.

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  • http://mymercurialnature.com Kristina Brooke

    Sorry that I haven’t commented before now. I think the primary focus on this issue needs to be on young children not single parents. The point is to not judge those who are currently raising children with the mother/father in the picture.

    If children are really going to benefit from the lessons we learn, we have to be willing to admit when things are not working (for our community not just ourselves) even if it means taking stock of our own choices. More importantly, as my sister would say, we have to TALK to our children and let them benefit from our current knowledge.

    Does this mean that we preach abstinence? That’s one approach. For me it’s more than that. It’s teaching that every action has a consequence. We teach that children are a lifetime commitment who deserve two committed parties in it for the long haul. We teach what healthy relationships look like and we teach that being selective when it comes to giving the gift of our bodies and children.