As a little girl I was raised to be strong, well educated and independent just like my strong, well educated and single mom. While these are all traits we want to see in our daughters, I wasn’t taught or even told about how to be a wife. One of my besties and I were having one of our heart to heart discussions which almost always leads to an “ah ha!” moment.
We were discussing her last few dates. She’s beautiful and doesn’t have a hard time finding men, but quality men who aren’t intimidated by her is scarce. She is in management and has created a great living for herself, has her Master’s and owns property. Like many young women she desires a man to share her life with. Why then can’t she find him? She doesn’t go clubbing and Lord knows I don’t want her to find him there…but what’s she to do and where is she to meet him. She’s not my only beautiful on the inside and out, educated woman friend in this position. I’m going to dissect her next dates in an attempt to determine why. From her past ventures I’ve come up with a list of issues: he may think she’s unattainable (I’m assuming due to her confident air), he may want to control her (that won’t work with her independent trait), he may be too agreeable (responding with yes to everything with no mind of his own), he has no aspirations for more out of life, he may be a homebody or he may be insecure.
I asked her if he was a confident, good looking, kind hearted man who worked at a low paying job if she’d date him. Her reply was yes, but has yet to experience that type of man “step to her.” Right now I wish I lived in the same city as her…I’m sure I’d get into a lot of trouble but is it her or them?
I have to admit, I had to learn to tone myself down when I got married (my husband will chuckle). I realized I didn’t have to be in charge of everything as I did when I was single. It’s still hard sometimes for me and I wander if she’s being too tough due to past pains and being single so long. As a mom of daughters, I am raising them to be smart, strong, well educated, independent. I know they see all those things in me…hopefully they see the compromise and sharing that comes with being married, too.