Continued from, His Dirt, part of an upcoming novel by Tiara Faith McCray anticipated in 2011.
“I wish I could stay longer.” Kerry said, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling her long braids back into a ponytail. I had been lying in bed watching the last of the sun escape the horizon outside of my window when she emerged from the bathroom in an oversized t-shirt. She had just washed her make-up off and her skin was bare and moist. Her voice was a welcome interruption to the silence I had begun to grow accustomed to.
“Me too, baby.” Kerry’s flight was at 1pm the next day.
“I know I gave you a hard time about being in New York with me…” She looked back at me, where I was leaned against a pillow propped on the headboard of the bed. I placed my hands, fingers linked, behind my head, remembering how hard Kerry had tried to convince me to follow her to New York after she had gotten the job offer.
“I knew I would miss you,” she whined softly. “I just wanted to be close to you.”
“I miss you, too.” I began. “But Kerry, what would I look like following you to a new city with no job and no plan.” I could feel the frustration begin to rise in my body.
She turned to face me and crawled her hand on to my lap, placing her hand on my thigh.
“I don’t want to fight…” she whispered.
Softened, I twirled a few of her braids in my fingertips. She turned and looked at me and smiled mischievously. She leaned down and playfully bit my thigh over my shorts. I laughed. Encouraged, she bit the other one and I laughed again pulling her ponytail lightly.
“Hey…” she said popping up and laughing. She leaned into me, her head buried into the nape of my neck. She kissed my neck twice.
“I love you.” She stated looking into my eyes.
In that moment, I wanted to grab her and kiss her. Tell her I loved her too. Confess about Jayna and swear to never stray again.
Her look changed; she looked worried. She must have sensed my hesitation.
I grabbed her under her shoulders and lifted her up to my face. I studied her, looking for a reason in that moment not to feel guilty.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” She said, her voice dripping with insecurity.
“Like what?” I said smirking.
“Like that…” She smiled, embarrassed.
I pulled her face toward me and kissed her.
“You love me, too?” She asked, pulling away and staring at me.
Too much, I thought.
I turned her over on the bed, pulling her t-shirt off, studying her body under the dim light pouring into my bedroom from the street light outside of my apartment. Kerry didn’t just turn me on. She got to me. She got to me in a way where I never wanted to stop touching her. I never wanted to stop hearing her voice. I never wanted to stop breathing her in on nights like this. Jayna accepted me for who I was but Kerry loved me for all that I wanted to be. I hated the part of me that felt so strongly, that cared so much, that was scared of a world that she didn’t exist in. I was pretty sure I would have been better off having never known her and I was pretty sure she would have been better off having never met me.
I traced my fingers down the middle of her breasts, down her stomach and down to her thighs.
“I love you, too, baby.” I murmured, hoping that for this one night, I could hide my betrayal and be the man that deserved a woman like Kerry and her love.