Thoughts | We of Hue: together we're a movement

Social Media’s Most Important Rule: think before you post.

April 5, 2011 By Pascha Dudley 2 Comments

With the rise of Social Media, users need to beware and behave. Whether you’re a public figure or an everyday Joe, what you put out for the cyber-world to see can and will come back to bite you in the derriere. It’s important to remember no matter how “private” the settings are, once it’s put out there in cyber space, it’s there to stay.

Social Media new accounts are on the rise daily in staggering numbers; Twitter gets about 460,000 new accounts daily, there are currently 500,000,000 active Facebook users and approximately 1 in every 13 people log in actively and YouTube has 490 million unique users worldwide. According to Mashable.com, “More video content is uploaded to YouTube in a 60 day period than the three major U.S. television networks created in 60 years.” These are humongous numbers. Social Media is being used by all; professionally and personally.

It is important to be mindful of what you are going to post/tweet before you send it into cyberspace. We’ve all heard about the inappropriate teacher on FaceBook, the relationship that broke up due to FaceBook, the inappropriate Tweet by a celebrity…it goes on and on. I am not one of those that blames FaceBook or whatever Social Media site; I blame the user. FaceBook isn’t breaking up marriages – the cheating spouse using FaceBook to cheat is breaking up marriages. Some of my friends argue that they want to be themselves and it’s their personal page…yada yada yada…I say that may be true, but others can and may see it and think of you differently–are you prepared for that? Tip: Before you hit send just ask yourself if you want your name and message on the front page of the newspaper. Once it’s out there it, we can’t retrieve it. Post smart and safe.

Stats Taken from:

stephenslighthouse.com

digitalbuzzblog.com

mashable.com

Pascha Dudley

Pascha Dudley is a wife, mom, contract paralegal and freelance editor. She writes The Posh Blog, www.theposhblog.com and is a Social Influencer for an online retail forum. She resides in Suwanee, GA with her family.

Teachers are not the enemy of education reform

March 25, 2011 By Kristina Daniele 11 Comments

There is a very popular idea that teachers do not want their students to be successful. That educators are really at fault for what ails the failing education system. Additionally, there is the popular belief that those who have money have the answers. And finally, popular opinion is that newer, younger teachers are better than more experienced teachers who may or may not have tenure.

I am going to do something that I have refrained from doing on We of Hue. I am going to be blunt and direct. That is, I will sum up the above notions in one word:

Bullshit!

Because you see, I am a Teacher. An Educator. And a Parent, which encompasses both. I became a High School teacher through an alternative certification program and went back to the Bronx where I was raised to teach at Harry S Truman High School. While there, I had the pleasure of working with some amazing educators who are dedicated, exhausted, innovative, and frustrated. I have had the pleasure of dealing with some extremely compassionate administrators who, despite their personal ideologies, were forced to adhere to the guidelines put forth not by experienced educators, but by politicians who have never stepped foot in a classroom, yet alone a public school. Furthermore, I have had the spirit-crushing opportunity to meet with parents who were unwilling to actively participate in their child’s education in anyway. I have had my efforts to step outside the box and introduce new techniques of learning and teaching be hindered by the test-centered efforts of NCLB. I have been bogged down by administrative paperwork for five classes of 34 students each. I have taught students who had amazing potential but were forced to choose between being smart or fitting in- students who needed extra attention but had to compete with the extremely divided attention of their teacher. Students who needed more support and guidance than any school could possible provide as their home lives were not providing the support they needed outside the classroom.

The problem is not the teachers.

You, those of you who are so anti-educators, seem to think that the teachers have decision-making power in the schools or even in their classrooms. We do not. They do not. We are merely ship-hands on the Titanic sinking faster than ever imagined and as much as we beg for life-jackets and lifeboats we are given nothing. And contrary to popular belief, it is not a part-time job for us. Most of us, the good teachers, bring it home with us and carry it around ALL THE TIME. It is our life’s-work. It is the only profession that requires that you have a masters and continually earn credits in order to make money. It is the only profession that requires you be skilled in a particular area and then fight to be called a professional….

Teachers are not the problem. You are.

You , the parent who believes that what you read and see on the news is the truth and the whole truth. You, the parent who believes that someone else is better at disciplining your child or advocating for your child simply because he started a company or has money. You the parent who thinks that because someone is finally paying attention to minorities that they have your best interest in mind. You the parent who spews words of hate at educators without actually knowing that for every bad teacher, there are 100 good ones who are never given attention in the news.

Some say that because the public system is not working it needs to be privatized. That charter schools (controlled by corporations and seem to succeed because they handpick the students who are more likely to succeed while denying access to those who need extra help like special education students), KIPP schools (whose philosophy that minority children need intensive discipline and structure that would never be accepted in white neighborhoods rather than addressing the societal ills that have contributed to the poor education available to minority students and whose students are actively enrolled by parents (which already says that those parents understand the importance of education and those children would probably succeed at any school)), and Bill Gates (whose Microsoft approach to education (repackage what others are saying and doing without actual long-term thought) turns success into a standard product instead of individually specific one that is based on one’s own ability) and the Walmart Waltons are the only answer because money solves problems.

But let me ask you this: If the Waltons are truly concerned about the education and well-being of the working class, why do they continue to break the law by denying their employees basic human rights everywhere they operate? And does philanthropy negate Bill Gates’ very fascist corporatist beliefs (which may look good when taken at face value but is actually a method of controlling opposition and rewarding political loyalty by taking power away from the people and putting it in the hands of those who proclaim to know better) that do not align themselves with the betterment of the very population he claims to want to help? Why do we hesitate to question their agenda? Why do we follow blindly and then accuse those who don’t agree of supporting the status quo? And why is it that we forget those who are trying so desperately to prove that “poverty is not an excuse” are the very ones keeping people in poverty.

I don’t deny that accessibility is a problem in poor districts. But, providing equipment and materials is only one part of the problem. Increasing instructional time by 62% on average as done in the KIPP schools is only a minor fix. What is ruining education is that politicians are content to change the focus whenever their financial supporters come calling. The corporate push is why testing has become the backbone of NCLB. There is money to be made in the creation of these tests and in the materials that are used within the schools to prepare students for them. New York City changes tests so often that just when the teachers begin to understand how to revise their curriculum to meet one standard, they are forced to learn a new one. Let’s not forget another important fact of which I was reminded by a close friend, the NYC Chancellor of Schools creates the very regulations that bind teachers when it comes to discipline, requires that they teach to the test and force them to pass students who cannot read, then bashes those teachers/schools for failing, while allocating the monies given to help those failing schools to charter schools. And while public school teachers are struggling to find a way to affect positive change in the classroom with limited support regarding discipline, those charter schools are given the freedom to do just that!

Are you following, because THIS is the reality.

While many are content to put a band-aid on a gaping wound, there are people like Diane Ravitch (who was pushing for National Standards before The Gates Foundation was even a thought) who believe that education reform must be a partnership between parents and teachers. Corporations and politics are not essential to providing children with a good education. It must be done through other means- and that is by creating a system the addresses societal failures- that incorporates more than just testing and nodding and chanting and pretty packages. Educating children must be a holistic approach in order to create free thinkers and not brand loyalty.

And this superficial blaming of teachers needs to end. Teachers want to teach. They want to educate students. It is not a field one enters into and stays in because he/she wants to make money.

We need to look to the nations that are surpassing the USA in education and realize that what matters in not quantity (extensive hours spent in the classroom) but the quality of what is being taught. We need to demand that our children receive a quality education by spending less time appeasing these egomaniacs who believe that they have the best answer. We need to revisit the old philosophies- before the indoctrination approach to education and before the Deliberate Dumbing Down of America.

In short, we need to cut the bullshit and get real!

And here are some links to help you do just that:

Kristina Daniele

Kristina, Founder and Oz of We of Hue is one of many doing it across hues-homeschooling, wifing, mothering, and business building. She is a web designer and social media consultant with a love of building communities on line. She looks forward to intelligent conversation that is eye-opening and statement-making.

Do men really want an independent woman?

March 22, 2011 By Pascha Dudley 7 Comments

As a little girl I was raised to be strong, well educated and independent just like my strong, well educated and single mom. While these are all traits we want to see in our daughters, I wasn’t taught or even told about how to be a wife. One of my besties and I were having one of our heart to heart discussions which almost always leads to an “ah ha!” moment.

We were discussing her last few dates. She’s beautiful and doesn’t have a hard time finding men, but quality men who aren’t intimidated by her is scarce. She is in management and has created a great living for herself, has her Master’s and owns property. Like many young women she desires a man to share her life with. Why then can’t she find him? She doesn’t go clubbing and Lord knows I don’t want her to find him there…but what’s she to do and where is she to meet him. She’s not my only beautiful on the inside and out, educated woman friend in this position. I’m going to dissect her next dates in an attempt to determine why. From her past ventures I’ve come up with a list of issues: he may think she’s unattainable (I’m assuming due to her confident air), he may want to control her (that won’t work with her independent trait), he may be too agreeable (responding with yes to everything with no mind of his own), he has no aspirations for more out of life, he may be a homebody or he may be insecure.

I asked her if he was a confident, good looking, kind hearted man who worked at a low paying job if she’d date him. Her reply was yes, but has yet to experience that type of man “step to her.” Right now I wish I lived in the same city as her…I’m sure I’d get into a lot of trouble but is it her or them?

I have to admit, I had to learn to tone myself down when I got married (my husband will chuckle). I realized I didn’t have to be in charge of everything as I did when I was single. It’s still hard sometimes for me and I wander if she’s being too tough due to past pains and being single so long. As a mom of daughters, I am raising them to be smart, strong, well educated, independent. I know they see all those things in me…hopefully they see the compromise and sharing that comes with being married, too.

Pascha Dudley

Hate Bill Gates’ Plans for Education? Got a Better Idea?

March 21, 2011 By James Higgins 7 Comments

About a week ago our illustrious founder, Kristina Daniele, posted an article by Huffington Post reporter Gary Stager entitled, “Who Elected Bill Gates?” Normally I would just read an article such as and go on about my day. But something about this piece got me a bit intrigued, especially with all the recent discussions about failing education in our country, so I decided to share my views here at We of Hue.

From the start Mr. Stager starts off on the wrong foot by categorizing Bill Gates as solely a “philanthropist” with nothing better to do with his time and money. That and he also believes Mr. Gates’ plans are “demonic” as he is also likened to Charlie Sheen as they both need an “intervention.” Let’s be frank, calling Bill Gates “just” a philanthropist is like calling Michael Jordan “just” a basketball player. Yes, if you want to nit-pick, in every sense of the word Bill Gates has been VERY philanthropic with his billions of dollars over the years. But have we forgotten that he is not one who inherited his money? If my memory serves me correctly (insert a large dose of sarcasm here), isn’t he the man who kinda-sorta, maybe, a little bit, in a round-about sort of way revolutionized the ENTIRE WORLDWIDE COMPUTER AND SOFTWARE INDUSTRY WITH A LITTLE COMPANY CALLED MICROSOFT!!? If there’s a person who we should listen to and who is probably capable of offering up a plan on how to best ensure our children eventually compete on a global scale it’s “philanthropist” Bill Gates. There aren’t many people in this world who have a good idea what type of workforce and leaders we will need in the coming years to keep our country competitive, while at the same time who have the $$$ to make those ideas come to life; one of those men is you guessed it, Bill Gates.

Love him or hate him (and truth be told, I’m a Mac guy), but the man puts his VERY large bank account where his mouth is in reference to education and many other causes such as AIDS research, agricultural development, and global health. From millions of dollars in scholarship money; to the KIPP Prep Academies in which he is a major contributor; to numerous speeches and presentations on the subject; to financing the movie “Waiting for Superman”, Mr. Gates seems to get it. We all know what needs to be done, but when you have billions to spend you can actually get it done. One thing money allows you to do is to cut through all the bureaucratic nonsense, do it yourself, and put forth an initiative YOU believe in regardless of what the status quo has to say about it. No need to go through mounds of paperwork and countless telephone calls to get something done. As a teacher, you have a good idea on how to teach a group of student’s physics? Go for it! You have a plan to get your students more involved in literature? Do it! It’s as if we have sucked the creativity from our teachers and refuse to let them do what they do best…TEACH! Mr. Gates fully understands it’s about getting back to educating and developing critical thinking skills and not just focusing on standardized test taking, which is what education has become in recent years. And don’t get me started on decaying schools, high dropout rates, the U.S. lagging behind many third world countries in math, science, and even English! Please, I’d jump on the chance to have my child in KIPP Prep! And don’t think I didn’t try! Just way too far away and., wait for it….there is a HUGE waiting list!

But what perplexes me to no end is why so many folks are afraid of change (I know, I know, probably because it’s change stupid, Duh!)? But seriously, I continue to hear the arguments on how privatization of education is so wrong. Is it really? I doubt that Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and members of the Walton Family (Wal-Mart) sit around a big table wringing their hands (insert evil laugh here) as they try to figure out the best way to dupe the public, while they take over the countries educational system and make money doing it. I mean are there still some of you out there who believe that the “public” in public education still means anything?

Our public schools have been in the hands of “private” industry for years. If it’s not the multi-billion companies such as McGraw-Hill and Houghton-Mifflin-Harcourt who determine what our children learn (or don’t learn) by selling text books by the bulk, it’s the way they “help” shape lessons plans as well as standardized testing at the state level in order to ensure it’s their company’s books that are used and not the competition. And less we forget companies such as Sysco who provide much of the most non nutritious, yet cheap food to our cafeterias. Our schools haven’t been “public”, or for that matter locally run for DECADES! Think about it, when was the last time planning, funding, testing, or a major policy was decided SOLELY at the local level?

I’ll wait………(cue Jeopardy theme music)………………… EXACTLY! It doesn’t happen anymore!

Teachers and school districts across the nation are forced on a daily basis to be “reactive” instead of “proactive” due to the various cuts to their budgets. Instead of pushing the envelope and pushing their students to succeed they are busy trying to keep the ship from sinking. You CAN’T teach or educate in that type of environment! In my humble opinion, this is also one of the reasons that not only has the discussion for privatization risen in recent years, but so has the clamor for “non-traditional” methods of education. Charter schools, Montessori education, and yes, even homeschooling have all had a boon recently due to the fact that government officials and so-called education professionals have been trying to “fix” this system FOREVER and parents can’t afford to wait any longer. This is also why prep schools have been around for so long. People with “means” don’t worry about the public education debate because they send their children to prep schools; yep, just like the fictional Bel Air Academy on Fresh Prince. But all joking aside, one of the statements that troubled me from Mr. Stager is how he accused Mr. Gates of not sending his own children to the KIPP Academy’s because obviously they aren’t “good enough”. Really? The man sets up some of the most technologically advanced and forward thinking schools in the nation (which by the way rival even some of the best prep schools in the country) and you want to kick a gift horse in the mouth!?!? These academies are the closest thing to a prep school that most regular everyday folks without “means” will see. I’m not going to get into unions, teacher tenure, etc… BUT by spending his billions to open his own schools, Mr. Gates can EASILY bypass much of the red tape drama that far too many school districts are drowning in. His money, his ideas, his way!

And just to take this discussion one step further, I’d like you to think about something for a moment. You know what doesn’t get talked about too much? It’s that the “establishment” is counting on a little thing called time. They have plenty of it, and we as parents do not. Our children continue to get older in a lackluster system because they know all too well that one day our children will be old enough and OUT of “public” education (K-12). Usually by the time many of our children have (hopefully) moved onto college we have lost the want, need, or desire to concern ourselves with how K-12 public education continues to decline. It’s as if, “Whew…I’m done, let the next group of parents deal with this nonsense!” Many of us are too tired, busy, stressed, and pulled every which way on Monday-Friday to focus on fighting the good fight, AND THEY ARE COUNTING ON THAT!

We all want what is best for our children, but let’s face it do any of us really have the means or the where-with-all to fight a system which has been playing this game since at least the 1950’s? NOPE! The status quo is counting on us not getting involved. One of the ways they achieve this is making it damn near impossible for us to find, or even enroll, our children in some of the best public schools in our own communities. And trust me I know of what it is I speak as I’m currently fighting the good fight with our local school district to get what I believe is best for my family. But In the end, they are counting on our eventual and continued APATHY to it all. If they put up enough stumbling blocks, sooner or later we will go away and they will continue to chug along.

Like Bill Gates? Hate Bill gates? Agree with him, don’t agree with him? But the facts are pretty clear if not for him, and others like him who are tired of the way our children are being educated we would not be having a serious discussion today on the future of education in America. Movies such as Waiting for Superman, The Lottery, etc… and program’s such as The Harlem Children’s Zone all have brought to light what many have been trying real hard to keep in the dark. I, for one, applaud the efforts of folks like Bill Gates and Gary Stager who are doing what they believe to be right on behalf of our children.

I think we all can agree that we want the best education for our children and that (for many) the education they are receiving is sub-standard at best. I also think we all can agree that some major changes need to be made, that none of the problems are going away anytime soon, and an open, honest dialogue where all views are respected is paramount. So if I were Mr. Stager, instead of insulting the man (I’m still trying to figure out the Charlie Sheen analogy) I’d get in line to see if I too could get a bit of the Gates Foundation money and find away to work together (yep, didn’t I mention that Mr. Stager has his own education based organization called The Constructivist Consortium!?). Because just like this problem, the money and clout of Bill Gates isn’t going away anytime soon either.

Just my two cents, what say you?

James Higgins

Nothing special about me at all, I'm a happily married, college educated (Go Bison!), stay-at-home father of two wonderful children. Just trying to keep myself, my wife, my children, and my cats sane as we navigate through this journey called family life.

Filed Under: Education, Parenting, Thoughts Tagged With: children, children of color, Educating, Education, Parenting

I’m NOT an Adoptive Parent; I am a Parent!

March 8, 2011 By James Higgins 8 Comments

OK, I’m HOT and I admit it! If there is one thing that can easily make the top-5 on my “You Have Just Crossed the Line and Really Pissed Me Off!” list it is being called an adoptive parent. Along with that title comes the notion that anyone who chooses to adopt is just “playing house” or “babysitting.” People often approach the subject with foolishness like, “well they aren’t really yours and you could give them back.” (yes, I have heard that come out of someone’s mouth on more than one occasion). Some believe we love our children less and/or that we don’t protect, care, nurture, and sacrifice for our babies simply because we didn’t throw on some Barry White, dim the lights a bit, and go about things the “traditional” way. So, yes it ticks me off when, inevitably, I get the condescending laced question, “Oh, you have adopted children?” or, “You’re an adoptive parent?”

Let me make it clear for everyone; while my babies may have come into our lives via adoption, they are NOT adopted children, they are OUR CHILDREN! My wife and I are not adoptive parents, WE ARE PARENTS! Period, plain and simple! Have No need to add adjectives or hyphenate the love we have for our children and make us feel like less than you and yours. It is beyond disrespectful. All you are going to get is a verbal lashing from me, and you really don’t want one of those, especially in front of your family and friends.

I think this stems from ignorance about adoption. People who have never inquired about adoption have no clue all that it entails. It is no picnic ladies and gentlemen. Many adoptions involve researching agencies, training, doctor visits, physicals, travel, failed placement/match (before the child is born or ever placed in our home), more research, mandatory parenting classes, cpr/first aid classes, sleepless nights, unreturned phone calls, daily arguments over stupid stuff with your spouse, attorneys, more doctors, home studies, early mornings, social worker visits (some unannounced), birth mothers who change their minds, baby shower…oops, another failed match? Need to have a baby shower for a girl now. And don’t get me started on the mounds of paperwork for each state/county and for each agency. What? Another failed placement? Does that mean more paperwork since the new agency is in a different state/county? YES! What if you are adopting via foster care and the child is in a county other than the one you are residing? Unless your agency has a license to work across the state, you AND the child are out of luck! Oh, you finally have a child in your home? Guess what you’ve won? More visits (again, some unannounced), more travel, and just when you thought the paperwork avalanche was over? NOPE! From having to document every single visit to the doctor; to having to keep track of every little bit of baby aspirin your little one has to take when they have a cold; to making sure the hot water temperature in your house doesn’t go above 140 degrees, yep just more and more fun. Want to go on a vacation or leave the county? You need prior approval, which in some instances must be done months in advance. Worst of all, there isn’t a thing you can do about any of it!

Remember when we were kids and we were always told to take care of our toys and they would last forever? And remember how you would do extra chores around the house and maybe even odd jobs around the neighborhood in order to save up enough to get that remote control car or doll house you wanted? It may have taken you a year, but YOU do it all by yourself, and cherished that toy more than anything else. The very same principle applies to people who go through the adoption process. It’s not an easy journey. In fact, it’s a gut wrenching process that tests not just your faith, but tests your commitment to each other in your marriage, not to mention your relationship with family/friends. But on the flip side, because of all the trauma and turmoil that adoptive families go through, the end result is also the most rewarding and gratifying experiences one could hope for. Would I feel the same way about a biological child? I would hope so, but that is not my reality. My reality is that (especially as a man) it took a lot to get me to the point of actually adopting, and I wouldn’t trade my “adopted” children for “biological” children EVER!!!!

Now, I am NOT, by any stretch of the imagination, demeaning or belittling those who have children by the traditional Barry White method, I just want the same courtesy for my family that you DEMAND of yours. A child is a child no matter how they came into this world or became a part of a loving family. No child who has ever been born has “asked” to be here, and in my mind each and every child is a gift to be cherished. My family has the same stresses, ups/downs, late nights, early mornings, and LONG days as the next family; not to mention the fear (yep, I said fear) of the eventual discussion we will have with our children on where they came from. All parents (regardless of how they became parents) have struggles and I, for one, can attest to many of them and would argue that while this is the most stressed I have been in my entire life, I would also argue that it is also the most satisfied and fulfilled I have been in my entire life. Just when I think I can’t get any more stressed/fulfilled, my kids come through and prove that I most certainly can. Those that know me know that I love my little chocolaty nibblets and that when they were born I then had an answer for the question, “What are YOU willing to die for?”

If some parents (as well as those who like to say that adoption is not the same as having a child of your own) were to take a hard look into the thought, preparation, time, and emotional stress in the families that pursue adoption they may think differently, and may not make such flippant remarks about who is a “real” parent and who is not. I would also add that if some of these same folks had to go through all of this, they may not have thrown on Barry White to begin with. So yes, I take this lifelong journey VERY seriously. I enjoy all the ups, downs, and sideways because I know what it took for us to get to this point and I don’t take any of the gifts lightly nor for granted. Can all the Barry White fans say the same? Just my two cents.

James Higgins

Filed Under: Parenting, Thoughts Tagged With: adoption, labels, Parenting

Real Talk Wednesday: Where’s my GPS? We are SO lost

December 15, 2010 By James Higgins 4 Comments

Unless you’ve living on a deserted island, had your head in the sand over the past few weeks, or just didn’t visit any one of the 100’s of web-sites geared toward the African-American market, I am quite sure you heard about the “uproar” in the Black male community over the latest movie by Tyler Perry entitled For Colored Girls. This new updated version of “Hollywood/Tyler Perry Hates Black Men” sentiment harkened me way back to my sophomore year in high school when a little movie called The Color Purple (which coincidentally just had its 25^th Anniversary special on Oprah) hit the screen. I was like, “Wow, same song, just 25 years later!” Just as things were back in the mid-80’s with The Color Purple, brotha’s were UPSET over their portrayal in For Colored Girls (as many of my brethren are about most Tyler Perry films, yet our anger and disgust was/is pretty much non-existent when the discussion of the numerous movies/reality shows/videos that denigrate BLACK WOMEN are brought to the table…but I digress).

The truth of the matter is that, I don’t want to debate the validity on the claim that all Tyler Perry movies denigrate or don’t denigrate Black Men, nor I’m I here to make the argument that The Color Purple did (did not do) the same thing 25 years ago. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t; personally I enjoy a couple of Mr. Perry’s movies (especially Daddy’s Little Girls) although his tv shows are a bit too coonish for my tastes. And when it comes to The Color Purple? Well, easily on my Top 5 all-time movie list. But my question to all of the men out there is: For Colored Girls?? Seriously!?! THIS is what it takes to get us “mobilized”, fired up and pissed off!? When did a handful of movies by Tyler Perry become Public Enemy #1 in the minds of Black Men? When did a movie other than let’s say “Birth of a Nation” become the apocalypse? When did we as men lose our way and get off the beaten path to find ourselves in this predicament? I mean, c’mon when did we become so damn sensitive? Better yet, when did we take our eye off the ball to the point where a movie could actually define who we are as men, husbands, and fathers?

With all the issues we face in our community none of this Hollywood or celebrity dribble should EVER crack our Kasey Kasem Billboard Top 100 countdown! At the end of the day, does criticizing and being up in arms about a handful of movies address our failing schools? Graduation rates? Poverty? Teen pregnancy? Foster children? Single parent households? NO, it surely does not! Sorry my brothers, we do not have the luxury of wasting our time, energy, and talents complaining about such nonsense. Our families and our communities expect & demand better of us (notice I said US!).

Do I have all the answers? NOPE! But, we must start somewhere, and if that means at minimum reclaiming our households, so be it. It is paramount for us not to just be present in the lives of our children and our spouses/significant others, but we must also be active and engaged as well. It was just this past weekend when I literally lost count on how many little Black faces I saw at a holiday event for kids; plenty of Mothers, Sisters, Aunts, and Grandmothers, but I could count the number of Black Men on one hand. And don’t get me started on the countless times I hear brotha’s say, “I have to babysit my kids today.” Um, Babysit? You don’t babysit YOUR kids! There is a mentality that many of us can’t shake, and it’s about time we did. Ask yourself, when was the last time you went to your child’s school, read them a book, gave them a bath, feed them dinner, took them to the doctor, or picked them up from karate class? If you can’t answer any of those questions correctly, then I’m talking to you. And before you ask, “Well, aren’t you a stay-at-home Dad? So obviously you have plenty of time to do all of this?” it’s not about being home all the time, because trust me I was at school, doctors appointments, bath time, etc… before I was laid-off. It’s about making time for what is TRULY important.

I can hear the choir now, “Yo Bruh, you need to get off your soap box!” Well, maybe I do, BUT me getting off of my soap box isn’t going to change our collective state of affairs is it? For years, our priorities have been all out of whack and now, somehow, a handful of movies are to blame for our lot in life? I’m not buying it! The fact is the poor choices we have been making are now coming back to bite us in the a%^. It’s time for us to stop blaming the messenger and get to work earning the respect of our wives and our children. Leave the trivial nonsense/blogging of being “dissed” in a movie to others and let’s get to work fellas. It’s due time, and time is way past due…

Next time on Real Talk Wednesday’s, “Boy, I Just Said NO!”

James Higgins

Filed Under: Creative Arts, Thoughts Tagged With: black men, children, families, family, husbands, raising children, the color purple, tyler perry, wives

Teachers are not the enemy of education reform

Kristina Daniele

Do men really want an independent woman?

Pascha Dudley

Hate Bill Gates’ Plans for Education? Got a Better Idea?

James Higgins

I’m NOT an Adoptive Parent; I am a Parent!

James Higgins

Real Talk Wednesday: Where’s my GPS? We are SO lost

James Higgins

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