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Real Talk Wednesday: Social networking safety and awareness for kids

December 8, 2010 by Leave a Comment

As a mom, I’m always worried about how my daughters interact in the outside world. I have always been vigilant about online safety with them being online whether it is to do research for a school project, to play games, or to chat and e-mail friends and relatives. Years ago they would either go out and play with their friends, or call them on the telephone and talk as the day is long.

Today those concepts are being replaced by the emergence of the evergrowing technological advances of man. It seems when a child is born, they come out of the womb already knowing how to use technology. Their nursery is set up with computerized monitors, mobiles, and toys. Their thermometers have digital reads, and their toy boxes filled with computerized learning toys (what ever happened to the glass thermometers with the mercury in it that we grew up with huh)?

These children grow up in a world that is far more advanced than the one we, 30-40 somethings ever had to deal with so quickly. Every year there is a new digi-ma-something on the market, and these kids (the iGeneration)  grasp at it so quickly it makes my head spin. Although I enjoy watching my kids learning and becoming smarter and smarter by the day (minute), it is somewhat scary because I do not want them getting forever lost in cyberspace.

I like to believe that I am somewhat computer savvy, and I try to stay on top of the latest gadgets, and computer programs out there, so that I am not behind the times and able to teach my girls a thing or two about the “Net”. I also encourage my children not to be so consumed  being social over the computer. I tell them to go out and hang with your friends. The computer should be a means to communicate mostly if you cannot communicate on a person-to-person level. With 4 computers in my apartment, it is so important to interact with my children outside of the computer (board games, cards, drawing, or baking) because we can get caught up with what we do on the computer.

There have been times when I witnessed my 18-year-old multitasking with 3 or 4 windows open with chats going on, while she is listening to music and texting or talking to another friend on the cell phone.  Sometimes I’d wonder how she kept up with which conversation went to which friend.  To my surprise, she was on top of it all.

My second daughter just entered the social networking world, after a few years of wearing her father and I down.  We decided to let her have a page so that she can keep up, but we put very strict stipulations on it.  I immediately put up a disclaimer of no profanity or lewd conduct on her page for all of her friends to see.  I monitor her page everyday to make sure she is keeping up with her end of the bargain. She has also been asked to start a blog which I will have total control over if we decide to let her do.  My baby girl could care less at this point about the social network, but she loves to video chat with her grandma. For the most part, she in into playing games over the internet and listening to music (I’m good with her for about 4 more years, I think).

I think that allowing a child to interact with others over the internet is a good thing as long as the child is surfing, blogging, and communicating in a safe and  healthy way.  I have given my daughters the “not-everybody-online-is-who-they-say-they-are speech, and I keep on top of everything they do and say online.  I want them to be able to feel safe and make good decisions when navigating the cyberworld.

Orlena Grant

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A little respect please…..

October 7, 2010 by 1 Comment

I’m sure everyone knows someone who has a kid who is just plain disrespectful.  Now I’m talking about the child who thinks they’re old enough to hang and converse with the big folks.  Children who think they should be seen and heard by all he/she surveys. This can also be considered disrespect of in many ways (even if they do not realize they are doing it).  Now I’m all for giving a child some space to find out who they are and want to be in life, but there’s only so far they should be allowed to go.  But it’s not just the blatant disrespect that bothers me, it’s the disregard of the parent/child line.

Some kids may not even realize that they  have teetered over the line, and some like to flirt with danger.  I have noticed that society places the child in a place where they are responsible for their words and actions.  A place where Mom and Dad are pitted against the child in a battle of the wills.  Children have a lot more rights now than we had growing up and frankly, I think a little of it goes to their heads.  It’s not entirely their fault because there are parents out there that want to be their child’s friend and let them have a little freedom to govern themselves.  Though this method may work in some instances, it can sometimes backfire causing the parent to lose their control of the relationship.  I love my children dearly, but I let them know that I am not your homegirl, and you will not talk to me as such.  I’m not a strict disciplinarian, but I expect for my children to show me respect and appreciation. I teach them that when they put out respect for others, they get it back in return (not always so, but it should be).  I also teach them that (just like the old days)  when adults are conversing, children should be scarce.  They shouldn’t be privy to conversations and situations that are beyond their scope of knowledge.  I just think that kids should be kids.

Oftentimes, my children would try to plan to got out with their friends and forget to ask me first. They get so comfortable just doing things without asking.  They have learned the hard way that just simply does not go in my household.  I tell them if I was to do some of the things they do today when I was younger, I would be probably be in a coma to this day.  That they are lucky to get just a stern warning possibly a punishment of some kind.  With all of that said, my kids are mild compared to a lot of children out there.  As I stated earlier, I partially blame society because of the images of the sassy little black girl/boy on the TV sitcom, the teenager who gets mad at her mom for borrowing her clothes, the spoiled child actor/actress who adults feel they could hold mature conversations with.  These images are just a few,  it seems that have become “acceptable” in our day and age.  I see so many examples of children growing up way before they should, and parents and other adults catering to their every whim (or tantrum).  Some of these images are subliminal and have become embedded in American culture.  It seems we (society) tend to reward such behavior with undeserved attention toward the delinquent/ sassy child, by catering or enabling with the hopes of curbing it.  I think it only amplifies the level of disrespect.

I believe that nurturing a child is necessary, but when does it border on enabling a child, of giving control to a child? What happened to the chivalry, and respect of our ancestors and mothers who came before us.  We NEED to bring that back!

Orlena Grant

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Clean your room!

September 7, 2010 by 10 Comments

As kids, we have grown up being told to keep our rooms clean.  As girls, it was imperative to have a tidy room because females aren’t supposed to be messy.  That was a statement my mom always told my sisters and I.  I guess that’s why she always by-passed my brother’s room.  As a mom of three girls, I use that statement all of the time.  However, their room continues to look catastrophic. It’s not that their room is dirty, they just have an abundance of stuff that needs to go.  From clothes, to toys, to books my girls have so much stuff, no matter how clean the room it never looks clean enough.  My oldest  has gotten the point and her room, I must say is immaculate.  But my two younger ones share a room and between the two of them there is a toy store full of things to play with,  clothes to last a lifetime, and books everywhere.  I’ve tried helping them get rid of things only for them to tell me with each thing I  pick up, that they NEED this and CAN’T GET RID OF that.  So we end up with a load of things not used in the box in the corner of their room. I have even tried getting rid of some of their things while they were away at school and I still don’t get very far.

The kids never want to get rid of their old junk.  They some have toys from their first birthdays, and past Christmases, toys from friends, and toys of friends.  I am begin-ing to think they are becoming  hoarders, I’ve seen that show and it’s not pretty.   I have decided that as soon as the kids go back to school, I am going to take a weekend to wash clothes and toys and gather the books they do not need any more and donate them.  I think that if they give their toys and old clothing to children in need it will make them feel better about getting rid of their old stuff. They will also feel good about their room looking and actually being clean.

Orlena Grant

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Old school music

August 3, 2010 by 5 Comments

Today as I drove my children to their track practice and flipping through the radio stations, I came across an old hip hop song called “Get Up” by Salt and Pepa.  As I listened and sang along word by word, I noticed my daughter looking and cringing at me as if she were thinking how uncool her mom was.  I explained to my 12 year old daughter that songs like these were the very songs that defined my growing up.  These songs were not too vulgar (if at all), and boasted of nothing but having good pure fun.  Now, I make it my duty to educate my children on the power that “Old school hip hop and R&B” has on me and the many people in my generation and some of the generation before me.  My daughters have also grown up to these songs as they are played in heavy rotation in my house.  I do use discretion for some of the songs can be a bit out there, but for the most part my kids get the drift.  My oldest definitely loves to listen to old school R&B.  She sometimes likes to show off that she knows everything there is to know about the genre (you ain’t there yet boo, but keep trying).  She says her friends call her an old soul when it comes to music.  My middle daughter has two favorite hip hop songs, “La-Di-Da-Di” by Doug E Fresh and Slick Rick (clean version) and “Super Sonic” by J.J. Fad. She can wear out an iPod with those.  She just asked me to upload the Salt n Pepa song on her mp3.   My baby loves to listen to Michael Jackson.  I even have a video of her when she was 2 years old singing “Beat It” posted on my FB page.  It broke her little heart when he died, as I’m sure it did with millions of little children just learning about this great master of music. Though she still listens to Michael she has become a new fan of Pink now.

Every chance I get, I try to school these young-uns on the history of music  because I think that music plays such an important role in our lives.  Your born hearing melodies that wake you up, Teach you to play, and lull you to sleep.  As a youngster music teaches you the alphabet, about history,  and how to play well with others.  In your teenage years, music helps you bond with others and introduces you to your first  love. As an adult, music helps you get over heartache, celebrate life, and reminisce the many years of joy and pain.  Someone once said that music is the soundtrack of life and all that it entails and I believe that this next generation needs to respect its origins by learning as much as they can about it.  I believe the music that is out today, though some are still quite tasteful, disrespects the old school somewhat by taking songs to the extreme. Many lyrics today leave absolutely noting to the imagination.  I am all for freedom of speech, but I also believe that a good song doesn’t have to explain exactly how you want to do-me-and-screw-me-till-the-walls-fall-down-and-neighbors-call-the-cops.  I believe we have lost the romance that once was real music.  I would like to give credit for all of the new school artists who still pay homage to the old school and keep it clean or at least don’t go by the way of the sleazy.  Artists such as Jill Scott, Amel Larrieux, Alicia Keys, Raheem DeVaughn, Music Soulchild, India Arie, Rashaan Patterson, Ne-Yo and the list goes on.  Those artists are a welcome favorite in my house.   Believe it or not, I still love to listen to hip hop but now I’m very choosy about who gets play in my house.  Common, Kanye, The Roots, Mos Def, and Talib Kweli are masters who not only have great flow they have great messages that should be heard.

I have been brought up knowing that music can set the mood for many a situation. It is the best pick-me-up, the best friend, the best healer we have. I will continue to bump it in my jeep, blast it on my stereo (LOL), and rock to it on my mp3, but most of all share it with the next generation so they can hear true music and how it should be.

Orlena Grant

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The pool or the beach?

July 18, 2010 by 3 Comments

When I think of summer, the first thing I think about is whether or not to go to the pool or the beach. Today was the family’s first day at the beach this year.  I’d much rather a pool, but my husband being the pisces that he is, loves the waves of the beach.  I can’t say that I hate the beach, I love to sit out and work on my tan.  I love to collect seashells with my daughters, and I love to use my creativity to try to make the best damn sandcastle around.  I surprised myself because even though I  spent time tanning and relaxing at first, I spent a good amount of time in the water.  I am not a fan of the many hard shells under my feet, or the nasty salt water that gets in your face and mouth, but I had so much fun being with the kids that I hardly noticed those things.  It’s not like it was any different than other times I’ve spent at the beach. Maybe it was because it was the start of our summer at the beach but whatever the reason,  I just feel like it was such a great day.  With all of that said, I’d still prefer to swim at a pool. I first learned to swim in a neighbor’s pool and I think it’s the calm waters that entice me.  You don’t have waves crashing in and messing up your flow.  At a pool, you can just sit still and bathe without having sand kicked up in your face as someone rushes by to avoid high waves.  You also can eat a meal poolside without the crunch of sand in your “Sandwich”. Also at the pool (depending on whether public or private) You don’t have to witness the unappealing looks of some of the shapes and figures walking by.  Now I know I’m no beauty queen, but I cringe at some of the hairy bodies, and oversized guts hanging out or squished into swimsuits too small for some. Some things are just not meant for the human eyes to see (if you know what I mean, and my kids love to point that out).

I don’t want to sound too negative about the beach. I enjoy being out witnessing nature at it’s best.  The sounds of the beach, the laughter and squeals of the children playing on the boogie-boards are none you can duplicate in a pool setting. While the pool gives you more comfort, the beach give you a great look at the ocean, pond or lake (wherever you live by) and the splendor of it all.

Orlena Grant

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A girl’s best friend

July 7, 2010 by 4 Comments

I met him one Christmas morning as my brother, sisters and I snuck downstairs to take a peek at the gifts under the tree.  He was sleeping there so peacefully until her heard us whispering in excitement when we saw him.  This may sound like a story, but it was a true event in my life.  That Christmas morning  I met and fell in love with the most beautiful mutt I have ever met and he and I were inseparable. He was a  German Shepherd and a Terrier mix, but he looked a lot like a black and white Lassie.  We didn’t give him a name because as we were told by mom he already had a name, Bootsy (yes, he was named after the p-funk singer Bootsy Collins). The name to us was unusual, but for some reason, it fit him and it grew on us.  Out of all the kids, I think I was taken by this dog the most because for years I had been begging my mother for a pet. After many failed attempts of me taking in strays, my mother gave in. I, like my father before me, was a sucker for dogs but I also loved other animals as well.  I think I drove my mother crazy with my declarations of wanting to be a veterinarian when I grew up.

Bootsy wasn’t a tough, fighting dog, He didn’t do any fancy tricks, but he had a great sense of direction and he protected us whenever we were out and he sensed danger.  I remember him being with us everywhere we would travel.  He’d keep my mother safe when we were away at camp, or visiting daddy for the summer, and he’d wag his tail in excitement when we returned home.  He was always there when we got home from school, and he’d position himself under the dinner table just right so he could “catch” the red beans or any other undesirable food  I “accidentally”  dropped on the floor.   When we tried to rush back home before the streetlights came on, Bootsy was there with us barking at us to hurry up, and when I lay down to sleep Bootsy slept at my feet ready to fight my nightmares away.  I really think that Bootsy loved me most because when he got hit by a car,  I was there to bandage him up. Believe it or not, he didn’t get hurt too bad because he managed to hobble away. Being the vet of the house, I had the chore of cleaning and dressing his bandages every day when no one else would.  When I was sick I could remember him licking my hand as if he knew everything was going to be alright, and as soon as I was better HE’D take ME out for ice cream (Ha!).    Everyone in town knew Bootsy because when he wasn’t with my sisters and I, he would hang out with the neighborhood dogs and patrol the area.  People would tell me, “I just saw your dog, he was heading back to your house” or ” I have some bones for your dog if you don’t mind” .  I they saw us without him, they would always ask of his whereabouts. From what I heard, Bootsy had some little black and white clones running around as well, though I have never seen any (he did have a brother Tiger,  who looked a lot like him but shorter).

It took me by surprise when Bootsy didn’t show up  one night for dinner.  We all knew something had to be wrong when for a second night there was still no Boosty in sight. We had other animals in the house and I think they might have wondered the same thing.  It was I who asked my mom to take me out to search for him because I knew that wherever he was, he needed me.  We didn’t find Bootsy that night or any night thereafter.  Someone once said that a dog will leave when it know it is nearing it’s time of death, to spare it’s owner from grief. I don’t  know how true this statement is but it sort of fits this scenario. In my heart, I knew he was gone forever.  I missed my best friend.  I can’t believe this but, as I type this I struggle to fight back the tears for my fallen friend.   Years later, I can recall a dream I once had with him in it.  I really think it was him sending me a message that he was doing alright.  To this day, I think he still communicates to me in dreams.

I have since moved on and have had many other pets that have been pampered and loved as I did he.  Although it was painful to loose him, having him for a friend (I do not believe he was a “Pet”) taught me about life, love, and loss at a young age. Though it might sound traumatic it’s something we all need to learn early.

Today, I have two cats, Smokey and Sebastian and a beautiful Doberman Pinscher named Zeus, whom I love as if they were my children.  Like Bootsy and all my other animals, they follow me everywhere I go, and they are very pampered.

I dedicate this post to Zeus, who will be 6 years old this Saturday.  Happy Birthday Zeus!

Orlena Grant

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