June 19, 2013

When the dark, comes to light.


My teen love story – over a number of posts I will be sharing my first love story.  As you read over the coming posts, you will understand that I had to purge the past.  I must say it has helped me heal some. Part 1 is here.

Months later I’m in my room and my mom bursts in the door and demands me to pull my shirt up.

WTH!!!

I’m stunned and don’t know why.

She had a dream…she is hollering and demanding me to expose my breasts. She looks for swelling and gently squeezes my nipple.  Oh Lord, milk…I want to DIE.  I’m pregnant and didn’t even know it?

Before I know it she is beating my ass, she is kicking my ass and I don’t even fight back I’m so mortified and ashamed. My grand mother breaks it up.  My mom is sobbing, I’m sobbing.

I just want to DIE.

We avoid each other for 2 days.  I miss school for the 1st day.  I called him to tell him and he’s stunned but happy.  Explains it’s not the best situation for us, we’re too young, but he’s happy and wants to do this.  Through tears I explain how it went down and he doesn’t understand my mom’s reaction.  We argue.

“I’m her only child! I’ve let her down!”  I hang up.

When my mom finally does talk to me she is crying and explains she was waiting until I was 16 to talk to me about sex.  I’m crying and apologetic.  She leaves me.  We avoid each other for days, seems like an eternity. He’s unreachable.

I want to die.

My life changed in a teen chat room

My teen love story – over a number of posts I will be sharing my first love story.  As you read over the coming posts, you will understand that I had to purge the past.  I must say it has helped me heal some.

Only child, never knew my dad.  My mom and I were close and  I was the proverbial  good girl; cheerleader, Girl Scouts, church helper, youth group. My friend told me about the chat rooms and I dialed in out of sheer boredom. Much of the conversation was over my head…sexual innuendos were gross to me as I was a virgin promoting the concept of abstinence to MY friends. Until. His voice melted me. We talked casually and exchanged numbers at the end of the call.

We spoke every night well into each night for many, many nights. I don’t even know how I got through my school days I was so sleepy. After school I’d rush through my homework, studying and chores (sometimes napped) just to prepare for my late night calls with him. At first it was careful, casual conversation that developed into friendly conversation. Just learning about each other. It changed into a love language. I was now curious about sex and wanted him to be my first. We planned to meet. I was 13 and he was 16 but I lied and told him I was 16 because I didn’t want to deter him from this thing we were blossoming into. He didn’t live near me at all but promised to come. I didn’t completely believe that he would…he called my bluff…